I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
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Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
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Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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