I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Someone shit on the floor
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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