what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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