She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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