Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
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This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
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My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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