and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
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You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
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We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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