Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
did i just pee glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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