My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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