my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize