Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
well, you know. whores of a feather.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize