He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
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When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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