If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize