i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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