Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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