Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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