look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
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mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
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friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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