Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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