I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
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