Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize