dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize