You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize