He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I wish you could order shots online.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
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I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
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it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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