I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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