The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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