If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize