never play flip cup with pint glasses
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
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I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
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Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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