The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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