toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize