she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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