Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
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She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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