My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official drugs can't kill me
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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