is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
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there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
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Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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