Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
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i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
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Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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