Taylor Swift is so right about you.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
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Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
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i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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