it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
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Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
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I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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