Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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