grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize