I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
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You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
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He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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