i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
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We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
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DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm like, not good at living.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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