look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
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He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
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She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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