Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
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My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
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Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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