She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize