i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize