I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
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Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
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Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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