you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize