ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
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there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
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