I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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