Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
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He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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