Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
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Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
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hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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