ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
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Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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